Freeways and the people on them

In my opinion there is nothing more frustrating that being stuck behind a line of cars stretched across all five lanes of the freeway going 60 MPH at 9 o'clock at night. It might be acceptable if the freeway was going up a very steep hill and the cars were all old beaters, but when it's southern California and the majority of the cars are BMWs and Range Rovers there is absolutely no reason for this type of behavior. If you or your car are incapable of travelling 65 MPH or more, you should not be allowed to drive. Period. These people usually fall into one of these categories: young teenage females, people over 60, anyone on their cell phone, Asians, and cops. Cops seem to love going 60 MPH on the freeway, almost daring people to pass them. Not only is it a nuisance, but it creates a dangerous situation for other drivers on the road. These leisurely drivers end up creating the most feared driver on the road, the Douche Driver.

The Douche Driver is the person who weaves across all 5 lanes of traffic at 88 MPH trying not only to pass by the line of slow cars on the shoulder of the freeway, it is also apparent that he is attempting to have his car take flight, because that wing on the trunk is so damn high it's not helping him keep on the ground, it'll take him airborne. This is the person who will crash into you and yell at you for being in his way, the person who makes you mutter "where are the cops when you need them" (unless of course it is in fact a cop leading the line of slow drivers, in which case you point and laugh at the Douche as he gets pulled over). And yes, the Douche Driver is 99% of the time a male between the ages of 16 and 30. I have yet to encounter a female Douche Driver, but if you happen to see one, get her number for me, will you?


So you ask, what is my proposed solution? We change the speed limits, make a minimum speed of 65 MPH when there is no traffic, and make it so each lane is faster than the one to the right of it. For example, Lane 5 (the furthest right lane) has a speed limit of 65, Lane 4's is 70, Lane 3's is 75 and so on and so forth. Not only would this ease congestion, it would also allow people to travel at faster, sometimes unsafe speeds in a confined area, promoting Natural Selection, of which I am a big fan. The less people on the road, the faster I can drive.