Warning Labels

They’re everywhere. On cigarettes and alcohol, on toys and pesticides, warning labels are everywhere, instructing the mouth breathers of society not to drink antifreeze or try and swallow a super bounce ball. Today, I read an article about how a group of pediatricians are trying to get warning labels put on food that can be a choking hazard, such as popcorn and hot dogs… are you fucking kidding me? Are people really that dumb that they can’t figure out what they can or cannot feed their children? That it’s maybe a good idea to watch your 23 month old kid while they’re eating to make sure they don’t choke? Someone actually invested money into developing a hot dog that, when cooked, split itself into pieces to reduce choking hazard. I have an idea, how about you stop trying to ram the thing down your gullet in 3 seconds and actually take your time to eat the damn hot dog, then maybe you won’t choke.

Warning labels are the exact opposite of what scientists should want, they are anti-Darwinian. By educating the imbeciles of the world that it’s not a good idea to drink a bottle of Drano if you’re constipated, they effectively allow the morons of the world to keep breeding, eventually leading us into a societal pit that will likely resemble the underrated comedy gem Idiocracy. Warning labels, much like the abolishment of the Gold Standard and the introduction of edible underwear, will lead to the undoing of our society. Remove the warning labels, let the dimwits fall into extinction, and let the rest of us live in peace without having to read labels on our compressed air telling us it’s dangerous to inhale the glorious substance contained within that little metal can.